


Insanity And Happy Endings

by definitely_not_trash



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not historically accurate or historical at all so yep, Random - Freeform, Self-Harm, his mother was an ass anyways, kinda sad, modern day AU, thomas gets disowned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2018-10-20 15:59:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10666017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/definitely_not_trash/pseuds/definitely_not_trash
Summary: Thomas and James are having a sleepover but something goes wrong...





	1. Religion And Madness

**Author's Note:**

> Terrible summary I know. in this worlds they are around 14-15 years old  
> Thanks to my friend who helped me come up with the idea

"T-Thomas?" James shivered, "I'm c-cold.”  
Thomas was sleeping soundly beside him, curly hair falling in his face and almost covering his eyes. James looked around before laying down in front of Thomas, grabbing his arms and cuddling up against him. He closes his eyes, letting a small smile make its way onto his face. Thomas nuzzles against him, pulling him closer and sighing. He then shifted a bit, eyes slowly fluttering open.  
"Jemmy?" He yawns softly  
"Ehhh..." James opens his eyes a bit, "What?"  
"whatcha doin'?"  
"I-I was cold...."  
Thomas nodded and pulled the blankets up higher. Wrapping his arms around James again as he pulled him close.  
"I'll warm you up, Jemmy,"  
"thank you!" James smiled, liking the warmth from Thomas, "By the way you look funny when you sleep. Your hair is a mess and you drool a little bit."  
Thomas huffed, playfully whisper-shouting,  
"hey! I do not!"  
"Yes, you do! Nothin' to be embarrassed about though,"  
"Come on Jemmy! Stop teasing me!"  
He laughed softly, burying his face into James' neck. Thomas's mother happened to be walking down the hall at the time and stopped to ask,  
"boys? What are you doing?"  
"Oh hey Mrs. Jefferson," James said in response to the question.  
Thomas mumbled something but it was muffled since his face was still in James's neck. All that was audible was a half-muttered,  
"Jemmy?"  
"yeah, Tom?"  
Thomas's mother walked in soon after, took one look at them and yelled,  
"THOMAS!!! Come here right now!"  
Thomas nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard her yell, soon yelling back,  
"WHAT?!"  
James was basically frozen as she stomps over to the bedside,  
"THOMAS GET UP RIGHT NOW!" She snaps.  
Thomas rubbed his eyes, slipping away from James and off his bed. His mother grabs him by the collar of the shirt, dragging him out of the room and closing the door behind her.  
"WHAT IN LORDS NAME WERE YOU DOING WITH JAMES?!"  
Thomas coughed and rubbed his throat,  
"I was TRYING to sleep, until YOU barged in."  
"DON'T YOU KNOW YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SLEEP WITH ANOTHER BOY!? I THOUGHT WE RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS!"  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I'M SO CONFUSED!!! JEMMY AND I SLEEP TOGETHER ALMOST EVERY WEEKEND AND Y'ALL HAVE NEVER. EVER. SAID ANYTHING!!"  
He crossed his arms. Being frustrated he forgot his mother would take that the wrong way,  
"EVERY WEEKEND?! THOMAS IT IS A SIN TO BE A HOMOSEXUAL WE WILL NOT LET YOU FALL INTO SATAN'S ARMS!"  
"WHAT ARE Y'ALL TALKING ABOUT?! I'M SO DAMN CONFUSED!"  
"DO NOT SWEAR YOUNG MAN! WE HAVE TAKEN YOU TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW!"  
"WELL, I DON’T!! SO WHAT IN BLOODY HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"  
Thomas had started to become more flustered and frustrated. His temper burning off quickly, not helping since he was quite hotheaded already.  
"YOU ARE SHOWING A BIT TO MUCH AFFECTION TOWARDS JAMES. THIS IS SHOWING THAT YOU MIGHT BE A HOMOSEXUAL, AND I WILL NOT RAISE ONE UNDER THIS ROOF"  
"WHAT? WE WERE SLEEPING??? IS SLEEPING TOO MUCH FUCKING AFFECTION FOR YOU?! AM I NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP IN THE SAME BED AS MY BEST FRIEND?! DOES THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKE ME BURN IN HELL?!!?" Thomas totally lost it now, his cheeks burning with anger as he shouts this.  
"HE COULD BE GAY FOR ALL WE KNOW! THOMAS DO NOT FALL FOR THE DEVIL'S TRICKS. I'M TRYING TO HELP AND SAVE YOU FROM ETERNAL PAIN!"  
"WELL I'M ALREADY IN A LIVING HELL ANYWAYS, WHY NOT LET ME BURN!"  
"THOMAS JEFFERSON YOU ARE GROUNDED, TELL JAMES HE IS GOING HOME! I'M CALLING HIS MOTHER!" she storms off now, obviously very frustrated, and very pissed off.  
"WELL FUCK YOU TOO!" He storms back into his room, slamming the door with a huff as he says "I'm sorry Jemmy..."  
James ran over and hugged him, mumbling,  
"I-I don't wanna go home..."  
Tears slipped down Thomas's cheeks now,  
"I don't want you to go either..."  
"Thomas when you get into an argument with your parents it's better to say you're sorry..."  
"I-I don't care...I-"  
He soon found himself starting to sob against James's shoulder, arms wrapped around him in an iron grip.  
"T-Thomas...Are you Gay?"  
"I-I...Jemmy, I don't know"  
"well...J-just so you know" James leans closer and whispers "I-I love you..."  
"I-I..." Thomas pauses for a moment "I-I think I love you too Jemmy..."


	2. Anger and sadness

"This needs to be our secret okay? I don't want either of us getting into trouble.." 

"O-okay...."

Thomas nodded and then his mother knocked on the door, but before she could open it, Thomas pulls James into a kiss. James froze up before melting into the kiss, closing his eyes slightly and sighing.

"Thomas, James's mother is on the way, help him pack and come downstairs."

After the pair had packed all of James's things into his bag they walked down the stairs.

"Thomas, can you come here for a second?" His mother called, and Thomas reluctantly walked over.

"Thomas I'm really sorry but I don't want you to grow up and think it's okay. I don't want you to be a homosexual,"

"why? Why isn't it okay?! Because some...some STUPID book said so?!"

"Thomas, the Lord's book isn't stupid. It's not Okay because the Lord made males and females for a reason, the click together like a seatbelt. Two boys falling in love is like trying to make two lions kiss. It doesn't work out."

"have you ever stopped for even a millisecond think how stupid the whole book sounds?!!? Some 'mystical being' created all of life and will send you to hell if you do one thing wrong. It's STUPID"

"it's not stupid, God is real and he's watching all of us! Right now he is taking notes on how you're misbehaving. We can't stop it, Thomas I'm only trying to help you-"

"I don't want to believe in this...this BULLSHIT ANYMORE!!!!" He cuts her off, starting to raise his voice.

"Thomas Jefferson do not swear in this house! I know you don't want to be disowned, so start acting like my child,"

"If you disown me I'll just go live with James! Then maybe I can be HAPPY!"

"Now don't be ridiculous, His mother won't allow that I'm sure. You need to calm down and realize what you're saying to me,"

"NO! YOU NEED TO RESPECT THE FACT THAT I AM DIFFERENT AND THAT I'M NOT PERFECT AND MAYBE THAT I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IN YOUR WHOLE DAMN GOD THING!" 

"Fine! Go live with James, see if I care! I refuse to raise a child of sin in my household!"

Just soon after James mother pulled up. Tears started down Thomas's cheeks as he glared at his mother. James looked to Thomas and then back to the door.

"T-Thomas? I-I can ask my m-mom if you want..." 

Thomas nodded and wiped his eyes, "W-really...y-you'd do that for me..?"

"y-yeah..." James mumbles in response.

James set his bag down and opened the door, walking to the car and tapping on the window. After a bit of chatting with his mother, he ran back inside, 

"she said you can stay for now..."

Thomas nodded and pulled James into a hug

"I-thank you, James... Thank you so much I-"

"Shh...i-its alright Thomas...I'd do anything for you.."

James grabbed his hand, walking to the door and picking his bag back up with his free hand as he and Thomas walked out, hand in hand to the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot another chapter


	3. New Beginnings And Fresh Starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally updated! I'm sorry it's been so long! I've been busy with school and stuff lately and haven't had time to update, but here I am now so let's jump right into it!

James walked back to his car, the crisp night air whisking through their thin pyjamas. James opened the door and talked to his mother for a while, while Thomas waited nervously beside his front door. He bit his nails and looked at the clear, starry skies. After done talking James walked back over to Thomas.

"I told my mom the whole story, she said that you could come and stay with us until she can figure out where you sit legally,"  
Thomas simply nods in response at this, mumbling,

"Alright, thank you so much James..."

"It's no problem...really. Anything for you Thomas...."

James and Thomas walked back to the car and both got in the back seat. They put on their seat belts and James's mother pulled out of the driveway. After a few minutes of small talk between the three of them, the car went silent other than the hum of the engine and the sounds of their breath. James felt his eyes start to droop, having difficulty keeping them open. He lets out a small yawn and rests his head against Thomas's shoulder, letting his eyes flutter closed. Thomas rests his head against James's and sighed, shifting to hold the other boy's hand now.

"I love you," Thomas mumbles softly, his voice just barely audible, even to James.

"I-i love you too, Thomas...."

After driving for a while they find themselves at James's house, and got out of the car.

"For now, Thomas can just share a room with you, okay James?" James mother said as they walked into the house.

"Okay!" James grabs Thomas's hand and pulled him upstairs, his bag swung over his other shoulder as he ran up. 

After the two of them got into James's room, James closed the door, dropping his bag to the floor and flopping down on his bed. Thomas sat down next James and sighed softly

"I-I feel safe here, Jemmy...." Thomas mumbled

"That's good..."

there was silence between the two before Thomas looked over at James,

"I-I know I said it before, but I'll say it again. I love you so much James..."

"I love you so much too, Thomas."

Thomas cupped James's cheek in his hand softly, leaning and just barely pressing his lips against James's, closing his eyes as he went a soft pink. James blushed as well but kissed back after a moment, closing his eyes as he melted into the gentle kiss. After a few blissful moments, they pulled away and sigh.

"Now your mother can't tell you who to love"

"Yeah.."

James smiled at Thomas

"I think it's ridiculous she responded like that,"

"Yeah...I-I just wanna kiss you forever,"

"Same, but if we do that then we won't be able to eat!" James giggled

"I just wanna die kissing you,"

"I'll gladly make that come true, but that's far in the future,"

"Yeah," Thomas softly pressed his lips to James's cheek.

"live in the moment with me!"

Thomas smiled a bit

"Yeah...okay!"

(Timeskip)

James curled close to Thomas in a ball of innocence. Thomas wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling against James and sighing. After a while, James started to fidget and hold onto Thomas, scared to let go of him.

"Jemmy?"

"D-don't go..." he whispered, still asleep.

"What's wrong?"  
"P-please.." he let go and wrapped his arms around himself.

"What's wrong?!"

James flinched and woke up with a jolt, looking around and panicking.

"Jemmy?!!"

James looked at Thomas, then at the wall, panting a bit

"Oh god.."

"What's wrong jemmy?" Thomas continued to ask.

James Looks at Thomas and hugged him tightly,

"Never ever commit suicide, please. I'm here for you"

"I-I...."

"Please.....please," he looked at Thomas, about to break into tears, "please"

"James i-..."

"I-I know. I sound crazy...."

"I-I won't...I promise..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm so sorry for being gone for so long!! I wanna know what you guys think about this story though! Feel free to comment on what you think, helpful criticism is appreciated!


	4. Broken promises and bloody nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh......i'm not sorry.....

~ Three Years Later ~

Thomas was sitting on the toilet, tears slipping down his cheeks as he watched the blood drip from the gashes in his arm, down off his flesh and down onto the floor in big, red, drops. He pressed the blade of the knife into his wrist, His hand shaking as he drags it across his skin, gasping out in agony. Just then James knocked on the door to the bathroom 

"Anyone in there?"

Thomas doesn't reply, his vision blurring a bit as he started to lose consciousness. He felt lightheaded as he tried to stand. James slowly opens the door.

"Hello- th-Thomas?"

He freezes and just stared at the blood on the floor, knife, and Thomas himself.

"Oh my god....Thomas oh god!"  
Thomas started to get dizzy, barely having enough strength to glance over at James before the knife clattered to the floor. James ran over and started to panic, wrapping his arms around Thomas.

"Oh god!!!!" He let out a shriek.   
  
Thomas slumped over in his arms, muscles limp as he went under, breathing slow and heavily. James kisses his forehead and held him up.

"M-MOM!!" James shouted

"What is it, honey?" James's mom called back

"Thomas he.... come here please!!!!"

Tears started to fill James's eyes

"Y-you promised me....." He sets Thomas down gingerly, "YOU PROMISED" he screamed out in a sob wrapping his arms around Thomas tightly as he sobbed into the unconscious boy's chest, his own clothes already stained with his friend's crimson blood. The sound of the scream made James's mom come running up the stairs.

"Where are you?" His mom called out

"Bathroom!" James held Thomas's hand. James's mom ran into the room.

"Oh my god what happened?!?"

"I-I walked in and he was sitting there, k-knife to his arms and....and he fainted" James sobs "wh-what do we do?!?"

"We have to take him to the hospital!!" James's mom rushed over and lifted Thomas up

"I-I'm scared....h-he promised me he wouldn't.... mom I don't know what to do."

"Come on! Quickly James" his mother rushed downstairs with Thomas in her arms

"Okay!" James ran after her to the car, wiping his eyes as he tried to remain calm. 

  
~ time skip ~

Thomas woke up in the hospital bed, eyes flickering around the room.

"W-where am I..?"

James looks at him and immediately smiled,

"Thomas! Oh God, I was so worried! You're at the hospital now, but you're fine! Oh my god!"

"What?"

"We are at the hospital. I was so scared! Why did you do that? Why did you cut yourself?" James holds his hand?

"I-I wanted to die James...."

"Why? I'm always here for you, you know that!"

"I-I-...."

"It's okay. But I just want you to know I love you so much and I'll always be here for you no matter what happens"

"I-I love you too James"

"Does it still hurt?"

Thomas nodded

"Please tell me why."

"I don't know..."

"Please Thomas..I want to help"

Thomas shakes his head

"Okay, but if you wanna talk about it later, I'm all ears" James stood up and hugged him gently, wary of the tube connected to his arm.

"Okay. I-I love you a lot, James"

"I love you more, tom tom," he smiles softly

"I wanna kiss before you go,"

"Here's a kiss," James chuckles, pressing a tender kiss to his lips

Thomas smiled and kissed back, and James pulled away a moment later.

"Still a great kisser~!"

Thomas nods

"Thank you"

"Anything for you!"

"I wanna cuddle, but I can't" he pouts, pointing to the IV in his arm

"Sadly.. but I promise when we get home I'll give you all the cuddles you want!"

Thomas nodded again

"Mhm"

"Sooo..... wanna talk about it yet"

"I don't know why Jemmy..."

"There has to be a reason. You wouldn't scar up your beautiful skin for fun..."

"I don't know!" He whined, tears starting to build in his eyes.

"Please Thomas, just open up to me. You can trust me"

"You think I'm l-lying?!"

"N-no!...I trust you" 

Tears slip down Thomas's cheeks now, and James softly wipes the tears away.

"Hey...I'm sorry. I love you"

Thomas's breathing was shaky but he nodded.

"Please don't be sad my love, it kills me to see you cry."

"I-I'm sorry,"

"Shh, it's okay." James hugs him gently, Thomas nods and half hugged him back

"I'm going to talk to my mom real quick and tell her you're fine, okay. Just relax and try to rest for me, okay?"

Thomas nods, James kisses his forehead and walked out to the waiting room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO I'M NOT I'M SO SORRY


	5. Resting and Remebering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay this chapter is gunna be some Fuffffyyyyy shittt

James walked out of the room, quickly locating his mother and updating her on everything,

"I'm trying to get him to open up to me but he's just saying he doesn't know,"

"Well, don't pressure him too much, he's probably still in shock honey,"

"Okay, I just care about him a lot, ya know? I don't want him to feel like he's in the wrong, or that I'm just pitying him,"

"Yeah... just, try not to pester or nag him about it too much. You might come off as annoying. The best thing is to just wait until he decided he's ready,"

James nods, talking to his mom for a while later as he let Thomas rest. He stands up again after a while, making his way back to Thomas's room.

"I'm back, Tommy," James said quietly as he walked into the room and sat down next to him

"Hey, Jemmy,"

James looks around the room and his gaze falls on the window. He stands up and walked to it.

"Don't you just love New York? I mean, it's not the best place to grow up, I liked Virginia more but it's nice here!"

Thomas nods, "yeah."

James looked back to Thomas, "do you uhh..." he looks back out the window and leaned on the glass, "Miss Virginia?"

"Every day..."

James walks back over and sits back down, looking at Thomas.

"How did I get so lucky?"

"What do you mean?"

"I got lucky, I was blessed with you,"

Thomas blushed softly "o-oh, heh.."

"I have no idea what I did to deserve you but the lord and his kindness pushed me to talk to you and we became friends."

Thomas nods "yeah,"

"I love you so much!"

"I love you too!"

"I love you more!"

"I love you most,"

"Aw man, ya got me there! So I was thinking we should come out to my mom this summer,"

"Yeah..."

"Have you talked to your mom lately?"

"Not at all.."

"Hmm, though so. It's been so long, you should at least say 'hi' or something. I'm sure she feels horrible"

Thomas shakes his head "she disowned me, legally I'm not her son anymore. She basically cut me off from part of the Jefferson family tree"

"that was three years ago, she has to realize that it was an ignorant decision,"

"I don't care, she can burn in hell for all I care,"

"Tom Tom....."

"Jemmy"

"you really should talk to her. This is gone on for too long, don't you want to hear her voice?"

"No,"

"Tom Tom, please?"

"Why Jemmy?"

"because…it might make you happy,"

"No,"

"Please?

"Jemmy,"

"Tom Tom,"

"Jemmy,"

"Tommy,"

"Jemmmmmmyyyyyyyyy,"

"Tommmmm Tommmmmm,"

"JAAAAAMESSSSSS,"

"THOOOMASSSSSS,"

"I love you,"

"I love you too but you should call your mom,"

Thomas huffs.

"Please, Thomas,"

"I don't wanna Jemmy,"

"Tommy, please. I'll do it myself if I have too,"

Thomas whines softly. 

"Thomas. You need to make the decision right now,"

"No,"

"Then I will," James pulls his phone out.

"Jemmy please."

"Thomas we have to do it someday,"

"I reallllllllly don't wanna,"

"It's time to face your fears Tom Tom," James types in the number, taking a deep breath and putting it on speaker phone. After a few moments of ringing Thomas's mother picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hello? It's James, you remember me, right?"

"Yes? My old sons friend right? Why are you calling me?"

"I'm here...with Thomas."

Thomas frowned and James said,

"Thomas, say something,"

"I-if Thomas is there I really want to talk to him" his mom replied with a soft sadness in her voice

"I-I don't wanna talk to you.."

"Thomas! Oh god, you have no idea! I'm so sorry!!"

Thomas continued to frown.

"I could have handled that day better than I did at the time. I love you so much and I miss you, I'm so sorry Thomas!"

The words rang out loudly in Thomas's ears 'I miss you, I'm so sorry'. Slowly tears welled up in his eyes and dripped down his cheeks as he slowly sat up in the bed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every comment, I love hearing what you guys have to say! So please, don't be shy! Comment away!! Also ps idk why it's putting chapter 1s notes on the chapters lmao.


	6. Apologies and Accepting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyy

James puts his hand on Thomas's shoulder gently as he continued talking,

"So uh...I should probably tell you something..."

"Yes?" Thomas's mom replied,

"We're in the hospital right now..."

"What?! Why??"

"T-Thomas he...he tried to commit suicide..."

A small gasp could be heard over the phone "what?!! Thomas why???"

"He won't tell me,"

"I-I don't know," Thomas sobbed out hoarsely.

"Oh Thomas....honey.....I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you....I'm so sorry about everything that happened" Thomas's mom started to cry as well.

"Y-you can come visit if you want Mrs. Jefferson," James said softly, giving Thomas a look so he wouldn't protest.

"R-really?!!!? I'll be there in a minute!!!!!" She hung up the phone literally half a second after saying that.

James sighed out and rubbed Thomas's shoulder, "There, you'll get to see your mom for the first time in three years.."

Thomas had stopped crying, eyes and cheeks red and puffy from crying.

"It'll be okay Tom Tom..." James kisses his forehead gingerly, leaning down and whispering into his ear "don't you ever dare forget this. I. Love. You. So. Much!"

"I-I love you too," Thomas smiles

"Good! If you didn't I would be worried!"

Thomas chuckled softly at this, smiling slightly.

"Ah!!"

"What?!"

"There it is!!!!!"

"There is what?!??!"

"Your smile!!!!! You have the most beautiful, radiant smile I've ever seen!!!" James smiled back.

"Oh," Thomas smiled wider, cheeks going a soft crimson, "I love your smile too!"

"Heh," James' head whipped to the door as there was a frantic knock at it. James hops from his seat and opened it, almost being knocked over by Thomas's mother as she ran into the room.

"THOMAS!!!!!" His mother dropped her purse onto the floor, running to the side of the bed "I'm so so so so sorry!!!!!! I was wrong!!! What I did was wrong!! I'm so sorry!! I take back everything I said before!! I didn't realize how much I loved you until you were gone," she sobbed out. Seeing his mother like this broke Thomas's heart, his eyes widened a bit and tears slipped down his cheeks. His mother was shaking with sobs now, and Thomas slowly reached a hand out to touch her shoulder.

"I-I.....I love you too.......I'm sorry for being a-a terrible son.."

"N-no no!!! You are the perfect son....I just...I fucked up....I did the wrong thing......what I did was so wrong and immature....i-I would be proud to call you my son again...I-it's your decision though...I understand if you don't want to accept my offer, i-I have to be the worst mother ever...."

"I-I will gladly accept..." Thomas mumbled, reaching his arms out for a hug. Thomas's mother immediately pulled him into a tight hug, both of them softly crying into each other's shoulders. James smiled widely and sat down in a chair, a happy tear slipping down his cheek as well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back at it again with another chapter! Sorry it's so short I don't usually update every night ha! Every comment makes me smile so much! That you all!!!


	7. Comforting soft voices and self hatred tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyy im not dead!

~Time skip about a day~  
After Thomas had been let out of the hospital the duo had gone back to James's house. Thomas forgave his mother but decided to stay with James, not feeling comfortable enough to move back in with his mother again.

Thomas sat down on the bed he shared with James, looking at the walls and the posters stuck on them with thumbtacks.  
"Hey, James?" Thomas asked quietly  
"Yeah Thomas?"  
"I-i think I've figured out why I did it..."  
"Really? Why?"  
"I was s-scared,"  
"Of what? There's nothing to be afraid of...I'm here for you forever and always."  
"I-i was scared we could never be happy together...." a single tear slipped down Thomas's cheek now. James frowns now and reached forward, cupping his cheek and wiping the tear away with his thumb.  
"Aw...Thomas...Don't think that, we can always be happy together..."  
"i-i was scared I wasn't enough..." His breath wavers, on the verge of full on crying now.  
"Thomas...You will always be enough," James said softly, gently stroking his cheek with his thumb as he said this, voice barely above a whisper, hushed and quiet to try and comfort the other boy.  
"I'll n-never be enough for someone like you....you-you're amazing....I'm just..nothing" he cries out softly, looking down away from James. James gently tips his chin up, making Thomas look at him.  
"Thomas Jefferson you are always, and will always be everything to me. You're my....my entire world....you are everything and I love you so, so much. Much more than anyone could ever comprehend...so don't you ever. Ever. Think like that." James whispered in a stern tone, shifting to kiss Thomas's forehead soon after. "I love you so much, Thomas...I was devastated when you had to go to the hospital... I don't know what I would have done with myself if you had actually succeeded in killing yourself...I would just....I wouldn't be able to live with myself anymore..."  
"I-I'm sorry...... I love you too James..." Thomas bit his lip, tears welling up in his eyes again.  
"please don't cry....it hurts me to see you so sad,"  
Thomas sniffles a bit, blinking back the tears and nodding before mumbling "I-I'll try...."


	8. Loving moans and embarrassing first times (smut)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM NOT DEAD PEOPLE! I have been majorly procrastinating on this chapter because of how terrible I am at writing smut but HERE WE ARE! THIS IS THE SMUT CHAPTER. You can skip it if you like, it won't effect the next chapter or the plot!

This went on for quite some time, the two of them just mumbling things like 'I love you' and 'I'm sorry' to each other. After a while Thomas looked up at James.  
"J-James, can we try something?"  
"What is it Tommy?"  
"James I...I want you" he mumbles, a bright pink blush of embarrassment spreading across his cheeks.  
"I-I um.." James flushed brightly as well, biting his lip softly before responding "I-I want you too.."  
"So, uh...s-should we...?"  
"I-i mean...if you want...no pressure or anything,"  
"N-no I do! Its just..i've never done this kinda thing before..."  
"Neither have I.."  
Thomas blushed furiously but shifted a bit "w-well, no sense in just staring at each other...the best place to start is by taking off our clothes," he bites his lip.  
"Y-yeah,"  
Thomas reaches over and slipped his hands under James's shirt, pulling it off swiftly before doing the same for himself. He stared at James for a second, blushing brighter (somehow) before slowly pulling his pyjama pants off. He once again did the same for himself, throwing the discarded articles of clothing off to some forgotten corner of the room before looking back at James.  
"So uh...who's going to uh top?" James asked meekly, an embarrassed red blush on his face.  
"Y-you can jemmy~" Thomas said with an almost sly tone in his voice before shifting to lie down on his back.  
"O-oh," James blushed a brighter shade of red, "okay," he shifted a bit, pulling Thomas's boxers off, tossing them aside before doing the same for himself.  
James bit his lip and stared at Thomas for a moment before looked at his face, flustered and obviously embarrassed.  
"I-I"  
"You don't have to if you don't want to, James," Thomas said softly.  
"N-no I want to I-I Just...I'm awkward and embarrassed," James mumbles.  
"How come? There's nothing to be embarrassed about...I wont judge you," Thomas smiled now and rubbed James's arm. James nods and shifted a bit to get more comfy on the bed. A moment later he bit his lip again and wrapped his fingers around Thomas's dick, cheeks a bright red hue as he started to slowly move his hand. Thomas blushed as well as a small sound slipped from his lips. He laid back more now, closing his eyes slightly.  
"I-is that okay..?" James asked meekly as he continued to stroke Thomas slowly.  
Thomas took in a sharp breath and replied" "mh, t-thats good J-Jemmy,"  
James nods a bit and blushed, biting his lip harder as he moved his hand a bit faster. Thomas let out a little moan, cheeks bright red as he closed his eyes fully now.  
"M-mhm James~" he breathes out shakily "t-that feels r-really good~"  
"I-I" James shifted a bit and curled his fingers a bit tighter as he stroked Thomas.  
Thomas moaned out again, a little louder this time.  
"Oh god James," Thomas groans, shivering and biting his lip as he watched James, "I-fuck-I need you right now," he moaned.  
James nodded and bit his lip, pulling his hand away now "I-I don't think I have any lube Tommy.."  
"I-hmm. Your mom probably has some, and if not we can just use baby oil," Thomas said, frowning at the loss of James's hand.  
James slid off the bed and quickly walked out of the room, slipping into his moms room soon after. Thomas could hear the faint sound of drawers being opened and stuff being shuffled around from across the house as he waited on the bed in James's room.  
After a few moments of searching James found some lube in the drawer. He took out the small bottle and closed the drawer, quickly scampering back to his room, closing and locking the door behind him before sitting back down on the bed.  
"Okay. You were right, I found some,"  
Thomas smiled a bit and shifted, "Okay! That's good. I'm ready when you are,"  
James nods and squirted some of the lubricant out onto his fingers, coating them thoroughly.  
"O-okay" James mumbled as he very slowly pushed one of his slick fingers into Thomas, biting his lip again as he did so.  
Thomas gasped slightly at the sudden intrusion, shivering a bit from the cool wetness of the lube against his skin.  
"Y-you doing okay? It hurt?" James asked quickly as he pushed his finger in the rest of the way  
"I-it doesn't really h-hurt that much...it just f-feels....different," Thomas shivered again  
"Okay..c-can I continue?"  
Thomas nodded and bit his lip as James slowly pushed a second slick finger into him.  
"O-ow," he winced slightly  
"Oh god, sorry! Are you okay! I'm so sorry!" James's eyes widened a bit.  
"N-no I'm fine it just" he takes a deep breath "it hurt a little more than I was expecting it to,"  
James nodded and bit his lip harder "okay...I-I'm gunna continue, y-you okay?"  
"Yeah" Thomas nodded, shivering again as he adjusted to the new sensation.  
James slowly started to thrust his fingers, pushing them into Thomas gently and then slowly pulling them back out to the fingertips.  
"M-mh," Thomas moaned slightly, biting his lip and blushing brightly now, "t-that feels really g-good James,"  
"That's g-good Tommy. Just t-tell me if it hurts again. O-okay baby?" James blushed and curled his fingers slightly.  
"A-ah~ I-I will Jemmy," he moans again, closing his eyes and biting his lip as James did so.  
James started to spread his fingers a bit as he thrusted them, making Thomas shiver and moan louder.  
"O-oh god Jemmy~"  
Thomas breathed heavily and softly moved his hips back against James's fingers.  
James spread his fingers apart a bit more, starting to thrust them into Thomas faster.  
This went on for some time until Thomas mumbled out "J-James" shivering again and curling his toes.  
"Oh god Thomas," James almost moaned himself "O-oh god your s-sounds are making me so h-hard," he blushed with embarrassment.  
"N-ngh James I'm r-ready," he moaned "a-ah fuck! P-please,"  
James nodded slightly and pulled his fingers out, making Thomas whimper. He felt around the bed a bit before grabbing the lube. He squirted some onto his hand and slicked himself down.  
"A-Are you sure y-you're okay with us not u-using a condom?" He asked, cheeks bright pink.  
"F-fuck James I don't c-care anymore just fuck me already!" He whimpered again  
At this James nodded and set the bottle of lube aside and shifted to lean over Thomas, lining himself up with Thomas's entrance before slowly pushing into him.  
James let's out a low groan, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing heavily.  
Thomas moaned out loudly now, mumbling "o-oh god~" over and over  
"D-does it h-hurt?" James asked softly, panting between words as he pushed in the rest of the way.  
"A-a little b-bit," Thomas moaned, shivering and taking in a sharp breath "o-oh god it feels so good though,"  
Thomas opened his eyes again, staring up at James with a lust filled expression "F-fuck James! Oh god it feels so g-good!" He pants, blushing and moaning out.  
James moaned as well, starting to thrust into Thomas at a slow pace "m-mh you're s-so tight Tommy~"  
"G-god! Only for y-you Jemmy~!"  
James shifted to gently lift Thomas's legs onto his shoulders, continuing to slowly thrust into him. Thomas let's out a louder moan, shivering and bucking his hips a bit  
"M-mhm Thomas!!" James groaned loudly, starting to thrust his hips a bit harder now.  
"Oh god yes!!! Please! Harder Jemmy!" Thomas tipped his head back, groaning out and panting heavily.  
"T-Thomas fuck!" He groans, complying and thrusting his hips into Thomas's harder.  
"Y-yes!!" Thomas groaned, "f-fuck I'm close jemmy!!"  
"Oh god! Same tommy!!" James bucked his hips harder, moaning and wrapping his fingers around Thomas's dick again as he thrusted into him.  
James moaned and shivered, tipping his head back as Thomas moaned louder and bucked his hips back against James's.  
"M-mhh!! Fuck! J-James I-I'm gunna cum!!"  
"O-oh god!! Me too!!" James thrusted into Thomas a few more times before blowing his load inside of him.  
Thomas groaned and panted loudly, following soon after James as he came all cover his stomach.  
"M-mh, fuck Thomas. T-that was so good," James said shakily as he pulled out, flopping down beside Thomas.  
Thomas nodded and smiled, wrapping his arms around James and snuggling up against him.  
"yeah, we gotta do that again sometime" he chuckled before closing his eyes.  
"I love you Thomas."  
"I love you too, James."  
And with that the two exhausted boys drifted off to sleep peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is garbage and I'm embarrassed about it BUT I MEAN HEY WHY NOT POST IT OUT FOR ALL 800 OR SO PEOPLE WHO READ THIS STORY (seriously though 800 of you guys!!!! Like DAMN thank you so much! It brings me life when you leave comments so please! Feel free to leave a comment on my story!) I love you all so much!!!


	9. Nervous explanations and deep conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead! Sorry it took so long for this chapter, it's been really busy for me.

The two boys woke the next day wrapped in each other's arms, cuddling and pressing up against each other.  
"Mh morning Jemmy,"  
James yawned and looked over at Thomas.  
"Good morning Thomas,"  
Thomas smiled and nuzzled up against James.  
"We really should tell your mom that we're gay,"  
"Y-yeah...I'm just scared she won't accept us..."  
"Your mom is understanding, she'll accept us." Thomas smiled  
"Y-ya think?"  
"Yeah,"  
James smiled and snuggled back up against Thomas, but Thomas just shifted and gently nudged him off and said.  
"I'm gonna get some breakfast Jemmy," to which James replied.  
"Okay. Yeah. I'll come with you,"  
Just as Thomas went to open the door James looked at him.  
"Thomas? Where are you going??"  
"Downstairs?"  
"You're still naked!" James said as he pulled his pants on, cheeks a slight pink.  
Thomas blushed and rubbed the back of his neck "O-oh yeah. I forgot," he said sheepishly, walking over and relocating his pyjamas from the night before.  
"I'm still sore from that," he said softly  
"What? Sore from what?"  
"Last night," Thomas nudged James with his elbow.  
"O-oh...sorry," James blushed and looked away.  
Thomas chuckled and shrugged, walking out of James's room after getting dressed again.  
"Meet ya downstairs!" He called out, walking off.  
James laughed and shifted a bit to finish getting dressed. Once fully clothed he walked off down the stairs to find Thomas. James stepped into the kitchen, looking at Thomas, who was sitting at the table eating some cereal.  
"Hey Tommy," James smiled, going to get some food for himself.  
"Hey James," Thomas mumbled, mouth full of food. James just chuckled in response and sat down across from him with a bowl of cereal and a spoon.

After the boys finished eating breakfast they put their dishes in the dishwasher, Thomas heading back upstairs to actually get dressed, James waited for him downstairs since he was already dressed. James wanders off to his living room to find his mother.  
"Hey, mom?"  
"Yes, James?" His mother replies  
"C-can I tell you something?"  
"Oh, of course, sweetie, what is it?"  
"Promise you won't be mad?" James said nervously  
"I promise,"  
"T-Thomas and I....we are....um...we...we are in love.." James stumbled over his words.  
His mother just kinda stared at him for a while before taking a deep breath in and saying.  
"well...I'll support you guys! It's just a little shocking for me" she smiled  
"R-really??! T-thanks mom!" James beamed, jumping up to run off and tell Thomas the good news  
Thomas was just finishing up pulling his shirt on as James burst into the room the two shared.  
"Thomas!!! Guess what!!!"  
"What is it jemmy" Thomas laughed, looking over at the excited James now.  
"Mom isn't mad and says she supports us being gay!" James exclaimed excitedly  
"I told you! But that's great!"  
"I'm so happy Tommy! Its such a weight off my shoulders knowing that she's okay with us being in a relationship and the fact that we don't have to hide it anymore,"  
Thomas smiled and pulled James into a big hug "yeah!" He grins "now we can cuddle when she's around,"  
James laughed as well and nodded before pulling Thomas into a soft kiss, closing his eyes and sighing happily. Thomas kissed him back, cupping his cheek softly with his hand as he too closed his eyes.  
The two boys stayed like that for a while, just embracing each other and getting lost in the gentle moment, mumbling only soft 'I love you's to each other.  
"Hey, James?"  
"Yeah, Tommy?" James mumbled softly  
"You're my entire galaxy," he smiles  
"R-really?"  
"Yeah. You mean everything to me. I couldn't live a day in my life without knowing that you're safe and that I can talk to you about how I feel knowing you will listen."  
James was a bit flustered, blushing a soft hue of red as he stared at Thomas  
"W-wow...I-I..."  
"I love you so much James...you're just everything to me...without you, I'd fall apart....without you I-I wouldn't be here," Thomas said, chewing on his bottom lip, nervous of what James would say.  
"Thomas I..." James blushed brighter and looked down "T-that's in the past...i-it's okay now....right?" James looked back up at Thomas.  
"Y-yeah. Everything's perfect," he smiles gently, pressing a gentle kiss to James's cheek.  
"Everything's perfect...." James repeated, smiling and nuzzling up against the other boy.


	10. Insanity Into Happy Endings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I finally finished it. yeah, I know this isn't the best ending but i tried! I felt bad for leaving you all there for a while!

~ 3 Years Later ~

Thomas and James had eventually moved out, getting their own little place before going off to college, they both were interested in similar career paths, so they got to see each other almost constantly during classes, and living together wasn’t a problem either. They enjoyed each other's company, so it wasn’t an issue.  
“Hey, James?” Thomas called from the living room, lazily thumbing through a book he had borrowed from the local library.  
“What is it, Thomas?” He heard James yell back from the other room.  
“C’mere,” Thomas set the book down on the end table, sitting up more properly now. Only a moment or two later James made his way into the living room, situating himself beside Thomas.  
“What’s up darling?” he fixed his gaze on Thomas’s face curiously  
“Well, I was wondering if you’d like to go out tonight, somewhere special for our anniversary?”  
“Oh! Of course, I would! That would be great,” he grinned, a small laugh slipping from his lips.  
“Perfect! We can leave in just a bit! I know exactly where we’re gonna go!” Thomas stood, grabbing his keys, “I’ll be back soon!”  
James only laughed as he watched his boyfriend leave, standing as well to return to what he was previously doing.

~A Few Hours Later~  
After going to a fairly decent restaurant, Thomas had taken James to a nice little lake to watch the sunset, the sunbeams glittering and reflecting off the water making it seem almost magical  
“So, how’s your night been so far?” Thomas asked, playing with his hair as he watched the other man.  
“Perfect! Just wonderful, I honestly don’t think it could get any better,” he sighed happily, leaning back into the soft grass.  
“Really? Well, can I uh, can I ask you something, James?”  
James pulls himself up to look at Thomas, “Of course you can, what is it?” he smiled gently.  
Thomas shifted, fumbling with something in his pocket, “James, I-I love you a whole lot and-and I want to be with you forever. I-just,” he takes a deep breath, pulling a small box out of his pocket, “Will you marry me?” he chewed on his lip nervously.  
Inside the box was a small gold banded ring with a little diamond encrusted on the top.  
James gasped slightly, putting his hand over his mouth,  
“I-I-Yes!! Of course, I will!” he tackled the other man into a hug, tears streaking his cheeks. Thomas laughed and wrapped his arms around James, smiling and almost crying himself.  
“Ahh! Come here!!! I love you so much!” he grinned, pressing his lips against James’s now as he wiped his tears away.  
“I love you, forever and always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO I slacked real hard on this and whipped this up in like 15 minutes don't kill me.


End file.
